Angel shot her a dark look. "Cordelia..."

"Okay. Okay." She sighed, "Buffy met Parker..."

"What's his last name?"

"What?"

"His last name. What is it?"

Cordy scowled at him, "What is this, 20 questions? Finch. His last name is Finch. No do you want to hear this, or not?"

He didn't. He most decidedly did not want this much detail about Buffy's social life. In fact, he had standing plans to avoid the subject...entirely. Forever.

But since Spike had put the bug in his ear while torturing him, Angel hadn't been able to think about anything else. Buffy being hurt.. Buffy trusting someone else enough to share her body with them, and that person tossing her away like so much garbage...

The thought had been eating away at him for weeks, now. He had to know the truth. And he certainly couldn't ask Buffy... so he'd sent Cordy to talk to Willow. Cordelia Chase could talk anybody into, or out of, anything -- including terribly personal information about a certain Witch's best friend...

"Yes. All of it." He said.

So Cordy told the story. Over and over again, Angel was overwhelmed by powerful, conflicting emotions -- love, rage, jealousy, fear, shame... Was this the normal life he had left Buffy so she could have? "Normal" had certainly changed, since his mortal days... The wisdom in his decision faded by the day, as he continually heard tales of her misery, and difficulty adjusting... And now this? Someone had taken advantage of her in her weakened state... the state he had left her in.  And Angel wanted Parker Finch's blood as much as he might some netherworld demon who hurt her physically.

Protecting her was his job -- his destiny -- after all.

"And she's been... different... ever since. Willow says she's quiet and angry all the time, and she hardly ever talks..."

Angel couldn't imagine his vibrant, golden Buffy so grey and flat. As if what little life she had managed to keep for herself was just sucked out of her by this immature little...

An involuntary snarl came from his throat, making Cordelia flinch. He shook his head to clear it.

"Sorry." He said, ashamed and concerned about having lost his temper so easily...

"Easy, big guy." Cordy said, reaching out and patting his knee, "Buffy's a super-hero, grown-up type. She'll get over it. I mean, it's not like it's the first time she trusted someone who betrayed..."

Angel snapped his head up and glared at her.

She held up her hands. "Never mind. Just trying to help."

He was up and out of his chair before Cordelia even realized he was moving. He grabbed his black greatcoat from its hook near the elevator. As he stepped inside, he slid it on, and turned to look at his friend. She seemed frozen, as if his movements had stilled her completely, and left her speechless... for once...

But it didn't last long. "Where are you going?" She shouted at him.

"I'm going to have a little talk with young Mr. Finch about respecting women." He said flatly, and slammed the cage shut.

Before Cordelia could think of a response, she could already hear the front door upstairs slamming as he went out.

"Uh oh." She said to the shadows.

~~~~~~~

Angel had been a predator for two centuries... tracking the wiliest, most clever and slippery prey that walked the earth.

Finding a twenty year old college student with a reputation like Parker's was no challenge at all.

He followed the boy when he left his dorm, staying in the brush, out of sight, until Parker made the mistake of cutting across the soccer field, rather than staying on the well-lit sidewalk. The moment he was out of sight of any other building, Angel reached out and took him -- grabbed him by his hair and the scruff of his neck and tossed him ten feet across the neatly trimmed grass.

The boy sat up, spluttering angrily, more shocked than hurt by the attack.

Angel had planned it that way.

"Who the Hell are you?" The little bastard screeched at him, "What the Hell is this?"

"I'm a friend of Buffy's." Angel said, wanting his message to be clear from minute one.

The boy looked confused for a moment. He had to think about it. He didn't remember Buffy's name.

 Parker Finch's fate was sealed in that moment.  Angel felt a fury akin to bloodlust course through him, making his hands twitch in anticipation of snapping this disrespectful little fucker's neck.

"Buffy Summers." He hissed.

Parker remembered in an instant.  "Oh! Whoa.  Wait, guy.  She never told me she had a boyfriend... she said she was single."

"Shut up." Angel snapped at him, "Shut your filthy mouth."  He was so angry he could barely speak as he stepped over and hauled the boy from the ground, a chokehold around his skinny neck.

"I know who you are, you sniveling little coward.  I know all about your kind... You get your kicks manipulating young girls, do you?"

"Hey..." Parker choked, "She's hardly a little girl..."

Angel snarled.  "Whatever.  You touched her.  You accepted her offer to share herself with you, and instead of showing her that that gift was honored and appreciated, you kicked her in the head."  He shook the boy violently, causing his head to snap back.  "That's breaking the rules of nature, you little puke."

He threw Parker again, slamming him into the nearby bench.  Parker yelped in pain, then lay still, his choked sobbing the only sound that cut the night.  Angel took the space between them in two long strides and towered over the quaking boy.

"You tacky little worm." Angel spat at him.  He knew he was wasting time with the insults, but he couldn't seem to help himself, "You impotent little pig."  He crouched down and got right in Parker's dirty, tear-stained face, and let his eyes turn feral, for just a flashing moment.  Parker gasped audibly and began to cry anew.  "You listen to me.  Women are precious, do you understand? They are part of us.  If we hurt them, we only hurt ourselves.  You use their soft spots... their compassion and empathy, as weapons against them.  You think you're gaining something that way?"

"No!" Parker objected weakly, "It's not like that! I like Buffy!  It's just... fun..."

Without comment, Angel popped him, hard, squarely in the nose.  Parker squealed, struggling to get his hands up to stem the sudden tide of blood.

"Wrong." Angel said, "Fun is spending time enjoying someone you care about.  Fun is catching the game with your buddies at the pub.  Fun is eating an entire chocolate cream pie in one sitting.  It is NOT playing mind fuck with people who are lonely."

Parker snuffled, but said nothing.

Angel took a deep breath and stood back to full height, which he knew would be imposing.  "I suggest you rethink your definition of fun, buddy..." he said, pacing a little with his hands clasped behind his back.  He resisted the continuing urge to kill this little bastard, instead looking up at the stars for a moment before he continued, "And while you're at it, why don't you look up 'dignity', 'honor', 'compassion', and 'respect', as well."

He looked into the boy's swollen, bloodshot eyes.  "And think seriously about apologizing to Buffy."

"Wait a minute... no way, man... she..."

Angel reached down and cracked him in the nose again, eliciting an even louder howl and even more blood.  If he were a different vampire, this kid would be a snack...

But he only waited, listening for Parker's wailing to subside.

"What?" He said sarcastically, "I don't think I heard you correctly."

"Okay!" Parker howled, his voice desperate, "I'll apologize! I'll tell her I'm sorry!"

"For what?" Angel quizzed him.

"For... for... blowing her off... for disrespecting her." He answered obediently.

Angel nodded, and reached out a hand to help the boy up.  Parker wobbled dangerously, and Angel helped him gain his balance.  "Whoa, there, son... careful." He said, whacking Parker on the back, making him stumble once again.  "And you won't do anything like that again, right? I'm sure you're a nice enough kid.  Get some therapy.  Stay away from the girls.  And apologize to Buffy.  Got it?"

Parker nodded and stared at the ground in front of him.

"Good." Angel said.  As he allowed himself to fade into the shadows once again, he whispered, "Don't make me have to come see you again..."

As soon as Angel was out of sight, Parker turned and sprinted stiffly toward home, hoping he didn't run into anyone he knew...

The stain on his pants was spreading.

~~~~~~~~~

Buffy was into a three hour moping marathon when the phone rang.  She almost decided to ignore it, but it seemed like every time she did that, something horrible happened, and she was almost tardy for Armageddon.

She sighed and picked up the receiver.  "Hello?"

"B...Buffy?"

"Parker?" He sounded awful... "Are you sick?"

Silence for a moment.  "No... I... um..."

"Parker, what do you want?" She hadn't ever even hoped he would call her again, once she got the whole Poophead Principle.  And now that he was calling, she didn't know how she felt about it.

"Listen, Buffy... I... I'm sorry.  I wanted to say... I apologize for blowing you off like I did.  I'm sorry.  I didn't know how you felt... I was confused..."

'Yeah,' he thought, 'I confused you with some girl who didn't have an insanely jealous, overprotective homicidal MANIAC for a boyfriend!'

"Confused?" That was what Buffy was, now.  "I don't understand.  When did this happen?"

"I... uh... I've had some time to think, and... I talked to one of your friends last night and they, uh... they helped me see I was wrong."

So that was it.  Buffy had a strong visual of Willow bludgeoning Parker with a baseball bat...

"A friend? Of mine? Who?"

"Uh... I don't know... a guy.  Huge guy.  Dark... in a trenchcoat or something.  I don't know his name..."

Realization hit Buffy like lightning, "Angel..."

"I guess." Parker snuffled.

"So, you're apologizing because Angel beat you up."

"Kind of... I mean... I know I was wrong... And I was... uh... I was hoping maybe you would let me make it up to you... over, uh... dinner, maybe... some night."

"You want me to go out with you again?" Buffy recapped.

"Yeah.  Yes... I'd like that."

"Fuck you, Parker." She said simply, and hung up.

'I hope he chokes.' she thought.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was half past one on Tuesday when the front door to Angel Investigations crashed open.  Out of force of habit, Cordelia grabbed her paperweight, and jumped to the top of her desk before she took the time to realize what had happened.

Buffy stood in fighting stance just inside the doorway, breathing hard.  "Where is he?" She snarled.

Cordy, seeing no imminent danger, leaped down off the desk and approached her friend, grabbing her in a crushing hug.  Buffy froze in her grasp, and it took a moment for Cordelia to realize she wasn't responding.  She pulled away.

"Buffy! It's so good to see you!" She said.

"Where is he?" Buffy repeated, more calmly this time, but no less firmly.

"He? Oh.  Angel."  Cordy nodded her head in the direction of the elevator. Buffy shoved her aside, slammed the gate shut, and started the mechanism.

"You're welcome." Cordelia said to her disappearing form.

~~~~~~~~~

Angel wasn't surprised to hear the Buffy's voice upstairs, or the elevator working... He'd felt her the minute she was a block away, and besides...

He'd been expecting her, anyway.  He knew full well Buffy wouldn't take his un-requested intrusion on her behalf lightly.

She stomped down the hall to where he sat, perched on the edge of his bed.  In a moment, she was standing in the doorway before him, her hands on her hips, and her face masked in fury and outrage.

"You son of a bitch!" She snapped, "How dare you? Who do you think you are?"

Angel regarded her seriously for a long moment, noting how her anger turned her hazel eyes a perfect, startling shade of emerald green.  This wasn't going to be easy, and it wasn't going to be quick.

"Do you want some coffee?" He asked, running his fingers through his sleep-mussed hair.

Buffy stared at him as if he'd asked her if she'd chop off her arm for them to share for breakfast.  Then, after a moment, her face and posture relaxed, and she stepped out of the doorway.

"Only if you have sugar." She said quietly.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Spike was the one who told me..." He said.  "That in itself was enough to push me over the edge..."

Buffy and Angel were both relaxed, now, he leaning easily against a pile of floor pillows, and she reclining on the couch.

"I don't even want to know." Buffy said.  But she knew he knew she didn't really mean it.

He did know.  "Parker hurt you, Buffy.  In one of the worst ways possible.  The thought of it... of him treating you with such... I wanted to kill him.  He got off easy."

Buffy was still angry, not even close to understanding why he had done what he had, but she fought to keep her cool.

"You had no right, Angel.  You have no say in anything that happens to me anymore.  You were the one who quit, remember?" Angel watched her sit up and stare into her mug, "You resigned your place at my back when you left.  It's all me now."

"That's not true." He said.

Buffy looked at him.

"I'm never far away, Buffy.  I always know how you are.  And if it's in my power, I will never let anyone, or anything, hurt you.  If they do, I'll make them wish they hadn't..."

She didn't know what to say, to that.  She wasn't even sure if she should be angry anymore.  But she couldn't let Parker take all the blame, and she couldn't let Angel play the perfect hero, either...

"I think it's me." she said, "I mean, think about it.  I get close to someone... sleep with them... and they turn all... evil? They freak.  It's not Parker's fault.  It wasn't yours.  It's me."

Angel was more than a little surprised at the mention of his aborted sexual relationship with Buffy.  He hadn't forgotten, but he had never imagined how it would effect her self-esteem.  They'd never talked about it, after...

He moved closer to her and took her tiny hands in his.  Their warmth shocked him, almost stilling his tongue.  But the tears running down her face reminded him how desperate and lost she was feeling.  And not a little of that was his doing...

"No." He lifted her chin, forcing her eyes to meet his, "Don't ever say that.  Don't even think it.  You are a beautiful, strong, giving human being.  Your love is a gift... a blessing... that people should honor.  Buffy..." He hesitated for a moment, fighting the tears that threatened just behind his eyes, "What happened... that night when... when we were together... It wasn't your fault.  It wasn't you.  And despite what happened... Those few moments we shared together... They were the only moments I felt I ever really lived..."  His voice broke finally, and he rested his face on her knees as the tears overtook him.  "It wasn't your fault..." he sobbed.

Buffy freed one of her hands and brushed his hair softly, wondering at how he could look at things that way... How he saw beyond all the hurt that stood between them, and remembered the love, the trust, the companionship and understanding that they had always shared, shining from the other side...

She had forgotten.  In the rush of moving on, of getting over, she had forgotten how much she loved him.

And how much he helped her love herself... His eyes were a mirror that reflected all the things in her that were good... and lovingly accepted all the things that weren't...

Buffy leaned forward and put her arms around him, pulling him close to her.  His arms came around her in return as they held each other, and cried.

~~~~~~~~~~~

They sat like that even after the tears subsided... Angel leaned against Buffy, counting the passing time by the beat of her heart... And Buffy wondered for the millionth time at how strong and gentle he was, body and soul... how much she'd missed the safe feeling of his arms around her...

"I'm sorry." She said, finally, "I made a mistake.  Again."

Angel slowly pulled away and looked into her eyes, reaching up to brush away a stray hair that had escaped her bun.  A moment later, he thought better of it, and undid the clip so all her golden curls fell down to frame her face.

He brushed her cheek softly with his fingertips, drinking in every detail of her soft, living skin and features...

"So beautiful... " he whispered, and gently kissed her.

Buffy closed her eyes at the thrill of his touch, and lost herself in the long-forgotten passion that re-awakened within her.  She lost every thought or care she ever had except that desire... the longing that burned through her, igniting every nerve in response to his caress...every inch of her skin that he bared as he slowly undressed her... every kiss that he placed on her starving body...

Angel touched every bit of her with his hands and mouth, gently reaffirming her incredible beauty with his attention, commenting every now and again about the sweet taste of her seat and the satin softness of her skin... He worshipped her for hours, tending to her pain with his passion.  He never asked for her return attention, pushing her hands away when she reached for him, and spoiled her body, setting her every living cell on fire.

How had she ever thought she could do without this, or try to replace it? How had she ever dared to let another man touch her when Angel loved her like this?

He brought her to her peak over and over again, until the world was spinning around her and she could barely breathe anymore.  She collapsed against him, feeling the soft cotton of his shirt chafe her as he took her in his arms.  Buffy fingered the buttons absently as she snuggled against his chest.  His clean, cool smell aroused her anew, and she undid the buttons one by one... She could hear his unneeded breath quicken at her touch, and she pushed the offending fabric out of the way of her roaming hands, allowing her to tease the skin around his ribcage with her lips.

Angel gasped out loud as Buffy's tongue, and then her teeth, found his right nipple.  His body jumped to life and goosebumps raised over every inch of him as Buffy climbed astride him, removing his shirt the rest of the way and diving down to kiss his lips... his jaw... down over his throat and around the sensitive skin behind his ears...

He groaned and leaned his head up, searching her throat with his lips for that place...

He found it, and lightly ran his tongue around the scar.  She was his.  She bore his mark.  She belonged to him.  His mate.  Angel growled deep in his chest and flipped her over, tearing off his pants as he trapped her beneath him.  He glared at her from above, feeling the animal within him stretch and wail, struggling to be released.  He let his need to claim her show in his eyes.

"It makes me crazy." He whispered, his voice rough with fury and desire, as he slid his body against hers, the feeling of their skin setting him on fire, "Thinking of him touching you... making love to you... you calling out his name..."

He pushed his knee roughly between hers, forcing her legs apart.  He wanted to hurt her.  But at the same time, he wanted to show her how desperately he loved her.  Torn between the desire to take her violently... to claim her, with no mistake, as his own... and the desire to softly meld with her, destroying the empty space between their physical beings... blending with her warmth and incredible life essence...

Confused and frightened, he trembled above her.

She looked squarely into his eyes, unafraid. "Angel... I have never belonged to anyone else.  Even... even when I was with Parker... it's awful, but... I kept wishing he was you... I kept remembering how you felt..."

Angel looked into her eyes once again, hardly believing what he was hearing.

"I want you, Angel.  I don't care about anything else.  Being together is the only thing that really matters... it's the only way for us to be whole... and safe..."

He finally eased inside of her, and as they slowly moved, clutched in one another's embrace, he realized she was right.  The only thing that meant anything was that they be together.

For the second time, Angel made love to Buffy with all of the abandon of the joy he felt in his heart.  And when he called out her name, it was the grateful cry of a damned soul finally blessed.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Neither slept, after.  They lay in one another's arms, waiting...

For surely there would be consequences to face, now... There always were.

But hours passed, and nothing changed but their tension slowly easing.  Angel felt no tearing inside him... none of the pain he had experienced last time... and some part of him hesitantly hoped...

Buffy was the first to really believe they were safe.  She cuddled closer to him, rest her head on his chest, closed her eyes, and drifted into an exhausted, but peaceful, sleep.

Angel remained wide awake, listening to her even breathing.  What was this, between them? What was it that drew them together, time and again, against every imaginable barrier thrown in their path?

He leaned his face down and breathed her hair in deeply, savoring its sweet aroma of vanilla and strawberry... and the lingering musk of their union.

How had he ever been able to turn and walk away from her? How could he have left her alone like that, without guidance, without support, without anyone to watch her back?  He wanted her to have a normal life.  But more than that, he wanted her to be safe and happy.

"I'm sorry," she said suddenly.

He smiled down at her.  "I thought you were sleeping."

"I was.  But I wanted to make sure you knew."

"I don't want you to be sorry for anything you do, Buffy... except selling yourself short.  You're worth more than that, Buffy... worth more than someone like Parker Finch."

Buffy sighed.  "I know.  But I felt... so lost...after you left... like I wasn't... I couldn't be... desirable, if... if you didn't want me."

Angel held her closer.  "I always wanted you, Buffy.  I love you.  That's why I left. I wanted..."

"I know." She interrupted him, "I know what you wanted.  But I hated that you ignored what I wanted."

"So you slept with Parker to punish me?" It was irrational to say, he knew, but he didn't like the direction this conversation was beginning to take.

"No! No.  I wanted to prove to myself... that I was okay.  That somebody would want me... even if you didn't."

Angel felt anger rising inside him.  Didn't she understand? After all this time, his decision never made any more sense to her than it had the day he told her he was leaving?

"Buffy... You don't see it yet.  You're still very young.  You don't have the pressure of years weighing down on you, reminding you of all the decisions you would make differently, if you had the chance.  But in time, you will.  You'll miss everything you missed..."

She was shocked that he didn't understand -- none of it meant anything, without him!  She sat up. "Stop saying that! If it happens, I'll worry about it then! All I know is, I'm wasting my life missing you all the time... thinking about you... crying over you! Wishing you were with me! Is that a "normal" life? If it is, I DON'T WANT IT!!! Don't you SEE? Maybe I shouldn't have fallen in love with you in the first place... but I DID!"

She suddenly jumped out of the bed and began frantically scooping her clothes off the floor and holding them against herself.

"And I can't change that now!" She sobbed, "It's far too late for that! The only thing I can do is want you..." her voice broke at the last, and she collapsed into a heap with her clothes on the floor.

Angel closed his eyes for a moment, then climbed down off the bed, crouched beside her, and took her into his arms.

"I'm sorry, Buffy..." he said quietly, "I'm sorry I hurt you.  I'm sorry I didn't listen to you."

Angel knew intimately the supposed facts of why they couldn't be together, but all the arguments seemed to crumble in the face of the Truth he held, shaking, in his arms.

"I'm sorry..." he repeated, and rocked her gently in the dark, "I'll never forget again..."

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